respectsexwork

Personal and Professional Stories of A Working Human

Whore

It’s funny how things can change when you become someone else.  I never liked when people used the word whore or slut to insult people, it made me uncomfortable the way “retarded” always made me uncomfortable.  There are just some words that rubbed me the wrong way.  But there is always a version that people use that slips by.  Hooker, prostitute, those were the bad ones.  The ones that I didn’t realize I was letting slip by.  Not the words themselves, but using the words to describe someone in a negative way.  I could care less whether I call myself a hooker, or someone I know who respects me and my work calls me a whore, but when people in high school or college are calling a girl a “whore” because of this or that stupid judgmental reason, that’s when it bothers me.  It bothers me from both ends. Using the word and profession as an insult, and intending to insult a person for whatever reason.  Often insulting someone for sleeping with someone, for instance, someone the person calling them a whore had a crush on, or of course just for having a reputation for sleeping around.

So many things wrong with our world when having sex with people, whoever you want to have sex with, gets people to hate you.  Who cares?!  Who cares that I like to have sex with several different people.  Who cares if I like to try people out and sometimes go back from more if they are really good, or not go back if they didn’t really do it for me or I didn’t like them for some other reason.  The people who care are so often other women who’ve spent a lot of energy denigrating women for being women.

It frustrates me to no end when I see girlfriends who have caught their partners cheating on them with another woman, and calling that woman a whore.  Or hearing “who is the whore?” or “who is the bitch” …that they had cheated with.  You realize these women haven’t done anything to you right?  Your partner was the one who cheated.  This is just one example of women blaming women for things that are just ridiculous.

There is this attitude that women who sleep with people, and are not in monogamous “relationships”, are all “whores”.  Not the attitude is mainly that these women somehow should be looked down upon and they are predators and sick in the head.  That’s just such nonsense.  Of course this might be true of the same amount of these women that it is of the rest of the population but that means absolutely fuck all if you really think about it.  

Yes, I have slept with your boyfriend.  No I’m not cheating on anyone because I don’t believe in monogamy for my own relationships.  No I didn’t do it to you. No I don’t care that I slept with your boyfriend because I didn’t ask him to sleep with me to hurt you.  That’s my attitude.  I think if a man or woman is in a committed relationship and they cheat on someone and hurt them, that’s entirely on them, not on me.  Not on any other woman that has sex with them.  They are the one doing something wrong, because they clearly have broken some agreement with you.

I do not actively seek out men or women in relationships.  I should note I have never been with a woman who was cheating on their partner, this is probably a coincidence but I wanted to point it out.  I have been with women who had primary partners, but they always had told them about me before we had sex.  I have, however, had men lie to me and to their partners.  This may or may not be typical, this is just my experience.

So now I want to address the fact that I am a whore.  I am a slut.  I do not think it’s a bad thing, and I do not thing anyone else should think it’s a bad thing.  I think that people should accept my sexuality as natural for me.  I think that I should be allowed to have sex with as many partners as I please without having negative words said about me.  I know this won’t happen.  I know this won’t happen in my lifetime but I still wish it to be so.

I also want to be able to say ‘no’ and for that to be the end of it if I so please.  I may be a slut, I may be a whore, but I also pick who I want to fuck.  I don’t fuck anything that moves, or any of those cliches.  There are a lot of very amazing people out in the world who I do wish to have sex with, but that doesn’t mean everybody.  Being a slut doesn’t mean I’m there for the taking.  Being a whore doesn’t mean I will do anyone for money, it means I do people that I approve of for money.  Sometimes I like them, sometimes for money I do sleep with people I wouldn’t sleep with in my private life, but I never sleep with someone I don’t want to sleep with.  I am allowed to say no, because my sexual adventure or choices or even employment does not make me unworthy of respect and does not mean I am a thing to be fucked by whomever, and whenever they please.  

I don’t mind being called a slut, and I don’t mind being called a whore, but can we stop calling each other negative things because we are playing into the capitalist idea of societal norms?  Women competing for men’s attention, and in doing so hating on one another for made up things.  Made up ethics, made up morals.  None of these things are real.  You can be religious and still see that all of these things are made up.

Real ethics and real morals are about harming other people.  Sex is not harming other people.  

Of course there is always the safety issue with sex, which I will say is important of course.  If you are cheating on someone, you go out and have unsafe sex and then infect your partner with something, you are not a good person.  This is morally bad.  Cheating on someone you have agreed to be monogamous with, is bad.  But that is not about sex.  That is about lying and responsibility and knowing that because sex is something that is intimate and can swap harmful or deadly material, you are abusing a person by putting them at risk.  Yes it involves sexual risk but the morality isn’t about the sex, it’s about the risk.

I am a woman.  Treat me like a human.

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2 comments on “Whore

  1. Thierry (@tripy)
    January 27, 2013

    “I am a woman. Treat me like a human.”
    A perfect conclusion.
    I really do enjoy your writing. Thank you for this blog and your tweets.

    • respectsexwork
      January 29, 2013

      Thank you very much, I appreciate that so much. I get so nervous every time I write and hit post, so it really means something to me to have you say that.

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This entry was posted on January 22, 2013 by and tagged , , , , , .

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