Personal and Professional Stories of A Working Human
I have never been hateful towards people I saw as different, but I also was never normalizing those people, or trying hard enough to do so.
I want to state at this moment, and I want to be completely open about my thoughts because I believe that’s the only way to grow. Usually I know when they are “wrong” or at least know when they feel wrong. I hope that if I do something that is wrong and don’t realize it, that somehow I will realize it or be made aware of it (nicely – I’m pretty sensitive but I know sometimes reality is harsh).
So my point of that is that I want to help others normalize these things as well. I want to feel comfortable talking about things because I understand them better, rather than avoiding them because I’m afraid I will look stupid.
I am not trans*. I do not identify as a woman as such, I identify as a woman sometimes but usually it’s just not a thing for me. And I don’t mean that to belittle people who have very strong gender identities but I really don’t. I love being a woman because I love my human body, but I think if I were a man I would love being a man because of my human body. Does that make sense? Or am I just going in circles here. I hope not.
So I wanted to say I’m not trans* because that’s what I wanted to talk about. I don’t feel prejudiced, and I am not as far as I can tell, but I am so terrible at keeping the gender pronouns correct that sometimes I feel like it is a prejudice that I just can’t gasp. I’m working on it, and I’m practicing and doing better every day, but the matter of the fact is that it shouldn’t be difficult. I think it’s probably difficult if you know someone as a woman and then they are a man, to immediately start saying ‘he’ instead of ‘she’ but that’s more habit than, and hopefully not prejudice. But for me, I accidentally say he, sometimes when referring to women because my head is doing something stupid and making that person a man in my head. Which I should say again, I feel terrible about. I really only realized this the other day when I used the wrong word three times in a row and then was hitting myself in the head feeling like such an asshole. Why did I make that mistake three times in a row?! I was furious at myself. The truth is, I need more practice, but my point here is, why do I do this? Why do I have this in me when I don’t have this prejudice that I know of, yet seem to be making this mistake which must come from somewhere.
I’m sorry to pick on trans* people with this. I just wanted to be honest about it. Still working on it.
I do hope one day that our society teaches us to respect others enough that this isn’t such a struggle for future generations of people like me. I hope that when my child is grown, that they won’t have as many hang ups with language and such that I did/do.