Personal and Professional Stories of A Working Human
Who do you think are the type of people who see sex workers. If you watch television, maybe you think serial killers. Or maybe you think dirty perverts, or some other person who looks gross and has a certain smell and maybe a certain manner.
EVERY type of person sees sex workers. Every single type of person. Some are shy and nerdy, some are loud and demanding. Some of them are like your father, some of them are like your mother, some of them are like your priest. Some of them are police, farmers, sales people, firemen/women. Frat boys, quite teachers, loud teachers, sexy people, disabled people, non-disabled people, etc. Shall I go on? Every single type of person sees sex workers.
I have done indoor and outdoor work. I have seen nice and not nice people. I have been attacked, I have been taken on dates, I have been flown to different countries, put up in nice hotels, thrown out on the street, robbed, kissed, fucked, raped, loved, beaten, stalked, admired.
I have dated men, while not doing sex work, who beat and raped and tortured me. I have been engaged to someone who payed my bills and “took care” of me, but cheated on me constantly and controlled my every movement.
I like my job. I like the men I see. I never had the strength or self worth before I started doing sex work to tell someone to fuck off. I never thought of myself as anything more than a whore. Now I’m proud to be a whore. I’m proud to have sex, to fuck, to blow, lick, suck, whatever. I enjoy it sometimes, I don’t sometimes. I enjoy the company most of the time. I like who I am and I like what I do, and I like the people I see.
Some people do not like sex work. I do not think this is a bad thing. I do not think someone is evil or wrong or horrible if they don’t enjoy sex work, I just think it doesn’t work for them. It’s hard work, and it’s damaging work to some people. If you think of it in a certain way, you will hate yourself for it. If you hate sex, you probably shouldn’t do sex work. If you think sex is disgusting, it’s really not the job for you. If you have trauma related to sex, well it could go either way really, but if it makes it worse, don’t do it. Some people naturally do not like sex, some people don’t like sex for other reasons.
However. Do not tell me that I should hate it. Do not tell me that I am delusional to think it’s empowering. Do not tell me that I need fixing, or that I am somehow disgusting because of how you feel or what has happened to you. I won’t let people put their religions on me, I’m not going to let you put your issues on me either. If you want me to feel guilty about something I enjoy and something that I find empowering and something that has helped me immeasurably through some serious trauma that no therapy ever has, you are telling me to stay broken. You are telling me that it’s more important to you that I hate sex and think sex work is how you see it, than my own mental health. You are telling me to be miserable again and to see the world in a way that I do not. I’m not telling you you have to enjoy sex work, and I will always support someone who feels they need help, but you will not drag me into a pit of despair just because you think it’s wrong to do what I do.
What I do, is for me and the people I choose. It’s not for you.
If you are unhappy and you feel there is no way out, I’m sorry that you feel that way. I believe that your misery is valid and you should have all the help you need and want. I wish that things had been different for you and you could have done something you didn’t get damaged by. No one deserves to be damaged by other people.
I wrote this after reading Why Ireland Needs the Criminalisation of Demand http://survivingprostitution.wordpress.com/ but it’s more directed at people saying this sort of thing to all sex workers for years, and saying that they should hate themselves and disrespecting our own self respect.
The point of this post was that I feel like people have this ingrained hatred towards women owning their sexuality, that is based in religious beliefs usually, that is extremely demeaning. I fucking hated my bartending job where the owner would talk shit about me in front of me to customers and call me a “stupid bitch”, but I was working illegally in a country I wasn’t allowed to work in (to survive, if we must even go into that whole issue) so I had no right to complain. (That’s a damn good metaphor for sex work in some areas too but that’s for a different post.) I hated that job and I was traumatized by it. I know that sex work is different and sex is different, intimacy gets into your head more, but I am drawing the comparison to the fact that some people love bartending. Some people love their jobs at coffee shops, some people love being stock traders, and other people hate it, loath it, and would never do it again. Those are all valid opinions but because the morality of sex doesn’t come into it, there is no discussion like this going into it. No one is telling bartenders that they should hate themselves because it’s an immoral job and since they hated doing it everyone else is just delusional to enjoy it. That just doesn’t really come up does it? But because of the religious “morality” aspect of sex, we hear this shit all the time. I do not believe that sex is evil. I believe that sex is good, fun, and I like having sex with many different people. I like giving people pleasure, and I like people getting pleasure from what I do. I am a good person, and I like myself for the things I do. I always work on being a better person and I think that sex is my business and people should respect that. Thank you.