Personal and Professional Stories of A Working Human
I first off think this is a terrible idea, and it will probably never happen. But I’m not going to pretend like I don’t have these thoughts in my head.
I was raped by someone about 5 years ago. He worships me. I don’t really know why. But he still does and he wants to apologize, it’s a stupid long story I won’t go into. It was not sex work, I was just a victim in a friends house and he just saw me as easy picking. It was traumatic. I have a detailed blog post probably hidden in my drafts if I haven’t posted it.
I am genuinely curious, if I had control over the situation and I had back up and all of that just to make super extra sure, if maybe I could get through this trauma by fucking him. I know, some of you are like “what the fuck” and yes I know it’s a very extreme thing to do. But I have nightmares, I have shit that comes up at very inopportune times. I am just wondering if we had consensual sex, where I was in control, if that would help me work through some issues.
I probably won’t do this. This would probably result in some massive backfiring. Honestly even thinking about it makes me a little sick. But I am just being honest. I don’t know if this is something I should do for me. I will not be taking advice from anyone who doesn’t respect the fact that this is my choice. Otherwise feel free to tell me what you think.
This isn’t a revenge fantasy.