respectsexwork

Personal and Professional Stories of A Working Human

I regret reporting my rape

Do you know what happens when you report a rape?  I’ll tell you my story.  Since that’s the one I know best.  This is a very short and edited version of this event. 

When I was 16, a man broke into my room (I lived in a shared house with 23 other people – sort of like a dorm) and raped me.  I reported it to the police.  This in and of itself was very difficult to do.  

A purple car was parked outside of my house one day.  As I walked up to my door a woman stepped out and started to walk towards me in that way that sort of automatically makes you think they are either a cop, or they are going to attack you in some way.  A very forceful and intimidating walk.  She told me who she was.  A sheriff.  I’m not going to talk about what was said, that’s not really the point.  She was pretty invasive, demanding and cold throughout the interview.  I felt like I’d done something wrong by the time she left.  Like it was all my fault.  

Then they called the man who raped me, and told him that I accused him of rape.  That’s it on the police end of things.  That is literally all they did.  Get a statement from me and then tell the rapist that I’d told the police he raped me.  So you can imagine he was angry, and he broke into my bedroom and raped me again.  

 

He probably has raped other women, I don’t see why he would just stop at me.  Pretty sure reporting it to the police did fuck all.  Even if rapists do ever go to trial, there’s not a greatly successful conviction rate, and even when they are convicted, it’s not usually much of a sentence.  

 

My point isn’t to say that people shouldn’t report being raped.  I hope that people get that this is a fucking problem with the police though.  They don’t test rape kits.  Rape kits are pretty invasive and sometimes carried out by people who are not at all sensitive to the situation.  If you are going to go through the trauma of reporting a rape, and yes it is very traumatic to do this, then they better fucking back you the fuck up.  They had better go after these fuckers full force.  But they don’t.  Because rape is still not seen as a violent crime, but as sexual violence (and yes these are different things to a lot of people).  Sexual violence can often be blamed on the victim, whereas random violence without the sex word attached, not so much. That’s what I’ve experienced anyhow.  

So yes.  I do regret reporting that to the police.  It made my situation worse, the reporting itself was a traumatizing experience, and at the end of it I have nothing to show for it but a second rape from the person who did it the first time and some severe ptsd.  Imagine though if I was arrested because I didn’t want to report the second rape.  

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4 comments on “I regret reporting my rape

  1. writingthebody
    February 26, 2014

    How utterly awful. I have heard a similar story recently….they were locked up, but she feared her work being brought up in open court. I have marked it as “like” when really what I mean is sorry, so dreadfully sorry that men, so many men, I am now realising, do things like this, think they have the right to do it as well. And it does not matter it seems whether it is a female or male police officer – these are still male oriented institutions. There was no reason for the attacker to know who made the claim, and if the claim was to proceed, then (at least this happened with the person telling me the story here) at least he should have been in custody. Just to say it again….so sorry.

    • respectsexwork
      March 2, 2014

      I’m sorry that other people have to go through this crap too. I also admire anyone who goes through this process and I hope any of them have luck if they do, this wasn’t meant to be a “don’t report” type story, more of a story about how far gone our system is when the likelihood of getting a rape conviction is almost zero, and the whole process of reporting, in most cases I’ve heard of including my own, are very traumatic to begin with.

  2. writingthebody
    March 2, 2014

    It did not come across a “don’t report” story at all – more of a “this is all wrong” sort of story. And it is…just dreadful. I have always had the idea that my masculinity was flawed, but rapists strike me as people who have lost touch with what it is to be human at all….so yes, sorry. And I think people just have to keep trying for change.

  3. georgefinnegan
    May 3, 2014

    I’m so sorry to hear this happened to you – this sets me on edge more than anything. Not only the idea of someone victimizing a woman/man/girl/boy/child, but that the system doesn’t treat them carefully enough and too few ever really get ‘justice’ (if that even helps). All we can do is hold that 16 year old in our hearts. I hope you have someone to talk about how the whole thing made you feel. It’s tough to do and feels like crap at first, but it can make you feel better after awhile.

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