Personal and Professional Stories of A Working Human
I’m not sure what you imagine sex workers do, but here’s what I do. And I’d say my experience isn’t all that unique.
I wake up at 6-6:30am, take a shower – damn I’m usually running low on something so I try to make a mental note of what I need to buy before I run out – then the moment I step out of the shower it’s probably gone. Later I’ll end up being annoyed I’m out of it but keep forgetting to purchase another bottle/tube/whatever. I do my usually lotion and hair and whatever, probably put on some make up if I’m going out, maybe not if I’m feeling like I don’t want to.
I make breakfast for myself and my child while she stretches and yawns, waking up slowly. We have breakfast together every morning. Then I change her clothes, get her read for school, and we head out the door. I drop her off at school, then I drive to one of my jobs or maybe I’ll go to school if it’s a school day. Some days I’ll go home and do some sex work – this could mean taking photos or shooting some videos, taking phone calls. Usually I’ll spend at least 50% of that time on my website or otherwise working on my brand. If I don’t have any client work to do I’ll answer emails, calls, any other correspondence I have to do. I no longer take in person clients so that has cut out a lot of the hours I need for work, but it also means I have very little money during the week. I would say it’s cut my income by 300%, this is not an exaggeration but it is an estimate.
If it is a day where I work my other job, I will go to the office and do that job, and come home exhausted and feeling a bit defeated and like I’ve accomplished very little. But hey, at least it’ll look good on a resume. Although it doesn’t offer health benefits either, which seems to defeat the purpose just a bit. It isn’t even enough to pay rent with. If I wasn’t in school I don’t know if I could mentally handle this job full time, it makes me feel so awful every day that when I come home I fight off the depression and feeling of hopeless. It’s a mental health thing, and it’s really not going to help me succeed. Working full time, whether you understand this or not, is not an option for someone with my problems. I wouldn’t survive. I know a lot of people have very little sympathy for this, because they don’t understand the incredible struggle mentally ill people can go through just to exist in a “normal” environment. To me, it’s like taking any progress I’ve made with my emotional and mental health, and peeling it back again, just to be in this sort of working environment. That is why sex work would be my preferred work. But that’s for a different post, and I’ve also posted about it before.
I do my best to put on a good face, but by the end of the day I’m always exhausted. I play with my kid as much as I can until I need to make dinner, and then I make dinner and we eat together. Then we do our bedtime routine and I put my child to bed. Usually after my kid falls asleep I do some more work on the computer and update and interact and whatnot. I do like to stay active with my sex worker rights activism, when I have time, and usually I’ll do this at night so I can be more focused.
On Saturdays, when I’m not otherwise working or in school, we (my kid and I) get to sleep in until 7am!!! Then we watch PBS cartoons and eat breakfast together and snuggle on the couch. At some point, I will try to get on twitter – me and @Whorephobia have a Saturday thing where we do a theme, I enjoy doing that although I have been too busy to keep up with it this semester but I’ve done my best. Saturdays are the best days. I get family time, and I get to do fun sex worker rights stuff. I miss taking clients, but I love having my Saturdays.
I would do sex work full time if I could do it all fully legally and see people in person. Full time, but with me controlling my schedule, my clients, my life. I would happily do that. But even full time, it’s not the only thing in my life. It’s barely any of my day, even if I was doing it 8 hours a day, it wouldn’t be what I obsessed about like anti-sex worker people who erase all the other things that we do and make us into these helpless idiots that spend all day getting screwed by disgusting (imaginary) men who hate women. No, that’s actually what anti-sex worker people want us to do so that they can be right when they take away our rights. They want us to be abused and helpless and useless, but we aren’t. We are just people, and we aren’t as freaked out about sex as they are apparently. We aren’t as obsessed by it as they are. We are making a living. Struggling to make a living sometimes, because of their work to make our lives miserable and dangerous. We get stalked by these assholes, and they call us pimps and liars and sluts and idiots, and say we have no talents and we must have no education and so on and so on. They show where their values lie when they insult us. We get stalked and harassed and abused and sometimes even killed by people who want sex work to be illegal or who are happy that it is. Usually our deaths are caused by the stigma they create but sometimes they are wielding the actual weapons.
How much different is my day to your day? To the anti sex worker’s day? Even if I spent all day covering in bodily fluids and being fucked from every direction, does that mean I’m a bad person? Fuck no it doesn’t. But the truth is, my day isn’t really that different from most the “average” person’s. But I do something that involves SEX! which scares so many people. And I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal.