Personal and Professional Stories of A Working Human
I get these emails or tweets or blogs replies, and honestly I’m starting to get very doubtful that any of these people have ever worked in the sex industry. I have been, and know many people who have also been, in the nasty fucked up part of the sex industry or even further in the trafficking and rape world (which I do not consider to be a part of sex work, as work means it’s work and that shit is basically forced labor and rape.)
Am I just getting bitter? Did I miss a memo about all trafficking victims now being really really into putting women at risk because of their fucked up pasts? I mean honestly, I did come from that view. I used to think that whores needed to be saved. I totally did. Part of this was self loathing. I always, and I mean always – since the moment I knew was sex or sexuality was – always wanted to be a stripper or a courtesan. But I also thought that I was evil. My step dad put that idea in my head. He hated women, absolutely hated them, and taught me that all women were evil. So, what could have been nurtured into a beautiful sexual being, ended up this self loathing person who thought that her natural sexual thoughts and feelings were somehow evil. So how could I not have thought that whores needed saving, since I thought I was a whore at heart.
I mean, honestly, I am a whore at heart. I was, and I am, a whore at heart. If I had nurtured my sexual nature and allowed myself just that, I would have grown up a much more confident person, and I could even bet a lot of money, that several of the rapes I experienced would have either never happened, or ended very differently.
I now, mostly, embrace my sexuality. It’s difficult, it’s a damn struggle, but I know when I feel it, that it’s natural to me. This is a part of me. If whore is the word you want to use, go a fucking head because it’s me. I like to be sexual. With or without a partner to share that with. I love fucking but even without fucking I love being sexual and tapping into that sexual side of myself.
Now, I have been raped, and the ONLY thing that heals me in any way from that, is becoming ok with my sexual self. I know that there is damage, there is trauma, and there is fear that will be there probably forever, but I never would have even thought I could be friends with people again, much less intimate with people, if it weren’t for allowing that side of myself to be expressed and nurtured…at last.
Not everyone is like this. I know that, and I never ever want to push that on someone else. But I also don’t want anyone to take away that one thing from me. I don’t think it should be allowed. I should be able to be myself. I should be able to be sexual. I should be able to fucking fuck whoever the fuck I wanna fuck. For money, or not. For whatever fucking reason I want.
I want to end trafficking. All trafficking. I want to end rape. I want to end child abuse. I want to save the whole g-d damn world. But I cannot do that, I can’t even function, if I’m not allowed to survive.
So when did it start to be ok to tell other people what to do in their private lives? Oh wait, it’s not. It’s only ok if you are telling a woman right? Or a profession mostly held by women and/or minorities?
I love that people have different opinions, I love the human brain…but come on. Fucking science folks. I mean basic logic and science. Illegal = dangerous for sex workers. Decriminalized = sex workers have the right to protect themselves or report assault. Illegal for clients = dangerous for sex workers and clients.
And here, just for a laugh, I’ll repeat the same thing I repeat every fucking post. It’s illegal and will always be illegal to traffick, rape, underage, etc. Do I need to go on? Decriminalization and even full legalization would never mean that we are allowing people to abuse other people. That’s still going to be illegal. Got it? It’s easy, it’s simple. If you want to exit and you hate sex worker and you’ve had a shit life in it, you have a much much much better chance of being ok, if you live in a decriminalized system. You can report, you can get help, you can start over. Yes, the stigma still sucks, it still fucks people over, but you have legal rights. Legality, however much people want to dispute this, it actually makes a lot of people respect something more. How many people say pot is bad because it’s illegal, and for no other actual reason? Guess what, if you are living somewhere that sex work is legal or decriminalized, even if there is stigma and all of that shit, there is so so so much more respect than anywhere that it’s illegal, simply because people care about the law.
So did I miss the memo where people who’ve had a shit time can now make everyone else’s life more dangerous? Because I wouldn’t’ sign up for that fucking club anyway.